Listening Awareness

If you are interested in cultivating stronger relationships with others, start by listening to them with your full and undivided attention. Though this process will not be easy, the rewards will be great. According to Daniel Goleman, author of Social Intelligence (2006), “Intentionally paying more attention to someone may be the best way to encourage the emergence of rapport,” (p.88).

Focused attention requires effort: Giving another our full attention means we need to work at keeping focused. Some more recent models on listening suggest that our ability to attend to messages is much like a limited resource that we consciously and unconsciously distribute. For instance, we will not be able to give someone our full attention if we are also distracted by other messages such as conversations in the background or even other competing internal messages.

Because focused listening does take a lot of energy, most of us cannot sustain this effort for more than an average of 15-20 minutes at a time. When we are experiencing anxiety in a listening situation, it becomes even more difficult for us to keep focused.

Focused attention requires a willingness to listen: Not only must we make an effort to listen, we must also be willing to listen before we can be fully attentive. Are we willing to listen to others when we don’t agree with them? Are we willing to listen to others when they aren’t organized? Our attitude has a lot to do with the amount of energy it takes to really focus.

Consider strategies for improving attention: Though fully attending to others takes both effort and desire, there are a few things we can do to improve our ability to listen.

Reduce distractions such as shutting off cell phones or other personal devices.
Choose a quiet environment when wanting to give undivided attention.
Try shadowing as appropriate—quietly repeating verbal messages as they are spoken.
Use nonverbal listening behaviors such as body positioning and eye contact to help keep focused.
Check out a self-assessment test developed by Richmond and Hickson (2001), the Willingness to Listen Measure: http://www.jamescmccroskey.com/measures/wtlisten.htm

In this era of information overload, multi-tasking, and fast-paced living, let us commit ourselves to stop, look, and then fully listen. By doing so we will not only influence others, but we ourselves will be changed in the process.