Lincoln's Lessons on Civility and Communication

With political rhetoric now focusing on the need for civility in public discourse, I am offering a piece I wrote on Lincoln and civility that the News Review in Roseburg, Oregon published on October 13, 2009:

As citizens of this great democracy, we have the right to openly express our political viewpoints and to freely share our ideological differences. When we exercise these rights in a thoughtful and respectful manner, we have the potential to foster greater good. Yet when we refuse to listen to opposing perspectives or when we treat each other with blatant disrespect, ill-will and mistrust  are often the result.

During this Lincoln bicentennial and in this present time of political discord, I am reminded of something our 16th president once said: "We are not enemies but friends--we must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection." After sharing these words, Lincoln asked his fellow citizens to remember "the better angels" of their nature.

It is time that we again remember "the better angels" of our nature by holding ourselves and especially our leaders responsible for respectful, competent communication. Lincoln held himself accountable as a communicator. He listened to opposing viewpoints, chose his words carefully, and treated others--even those who demonized him--with respect. I believe we can all learn something about civility and communication by considering the example Lincoln set.

Lincoln knew that to influence public opinion for the common good, he needed to understand how different people thought.  Lincoln was an active listener. Author David Donald suggests that Lincoln developed some of his listening skills while practicing law; he would patiently wait until a client was through talking "and then ask questions." No doubt Mr. Lincoln also honed his listening skills through years of debate.

Though he could be a formidable debater who could use logic to cut his opponent to the quick, Lincoln was approachable and encouraged others to express opposing viewpoints. After first meeting with President Lincoln, Fredrick Douglass, an abolitionist and former slave, said, "Mr. Lincoln listened with earnest attention and with very apparent sympathy." Prior to meeting Lincoln, Douglass had been one of his harshest critics.

Author Doris Kearns Goodwin said that Lincoln "developed a keen sense of what people felt, thought, needed and wanted." Through the precise use of language and the practice of constant revision, Lincoln was then able to transform these feelings and needs into persuasive oral and written messages that moved the general public.

Lincoln was known for using stories and especially metaphors to powerfully illustrate his points. For example he described slavery as a venomous snake that had crawled in bed with his children. Goodwin said the snake metaphor harnessed "...the protective instincts of parents to safeguard future generations from the venomous expansion of slavery."

Whether talking one-on-one or to a crowd, Lincoln was known to communicate with conviction and authenticity. His respectful treatment of even his enemies demonstrated his communication ethics. When others failed to demonstrate mutual respect, Lincoln did not get even; rather, he remained focused on the greater good. I think Fredrick Douglass expressed it well  when he said, "There was no vain pomp and ceremony about him..."

Abraham Lincoln worked hard to use effective and appropriate communication throughout his life. His messages spoke to the hearts and to the minds of his audiences. He listened and was open  to different points of view. He also demonstrated a gentle humility that kept him connected to humanity. Tested by time, I believe Abraham Lincoln still serves as a model of civility and communication competence today. What lessons we could all learn from this great servant of the people!